What do these stories have in common?
In each case, the main characters step out of their
comfortable, familiar surroundings to pursue a higher cause.
In his memoir, Crazy People Like Us: Love & Loss
on the Other Side of the World, journalist Harold Campbell chronicles his
own struggles as a stranger in a strange land.
Harold recounts his relationship with his beloved Russian wife Nadya.
He discusses his adventures teaching English in both Russia and at an orphanage in India.
He speaks of the political turmoil in Russia.
And he shares the heartbreaking day he faced unimaginable loss.
Moved by his story, I’ve asked Harold to share some
afterthoughts about his experiences.
Crazy People Like Us: Love & Loss on the Other Side of the World encompasses a point in time before
Russia’s invasion of Ukraine – a time when the tenuous balance between the
United States and Russia hadn’t yet tipped over the edge.
Even in the best of times, Russia has not been an easy place
for Americans to reside in. Harold knew that would be the case before he ever
set foot in Russia.
Harold: “When we were growing up, the Cold War, space
race, threat of nuclear war were constantly over our heads. I was interested in
the Soviet Union because it was so secretive yet so fascinating to me.
“One of my prize possessions back then was my shortwave
radio, and while my friends and classmates were listening to the top hits on
WGOW and WFLI, I was tuning in to stations from around the world, including the
English-language service of Radio Moscow.”
Harold grew up in northwest Georgia, near one of the Civil War’s bloodiest battlefields: Chickamauga.
History and world events shaped his early thought processes.
Harold: “I’ve always been interested in history and current events, including politics.
"The first memory of a major event I have is
Kennedy’s assassination, and my first memory of an election was the 1966
Georgia governor’s race between Bo Callaway and Lester Maddox.
“I’ve also been interested forever in other countries and
the international scene. I also did a lot of reading and watching documentaries
and later videos.
“I never thought I would visit, much less live there, but
all of that really helped me once I was in Russia.”
His fascination with world events and other countries may
have inspired Harold’s interest in becoming a journalist.
In his youth, however, Harold had one goal: he wanted to be
a sportswriter. Harold had a plethora of role models to choose from.
Harold: “I can’t imagine the Olympics in the late 1960s
and 1970s without Jim McKay. He seemed like the consummate professional, and
his coverage of the massacre of the Israeli national team at the 1972 Olympics
in Munich was monumental.
“In addition, there were a number of other TV and radio
sportscasters I looked up to back then.
“On the writing side, I went to the mailbox each Wednesday
to get that week’s issue of The Sporting News. It was full of favorite
reporters and columnists I looked forward to reading.”
Besides sportscasting, Harold developed a respect for the
news journalists of the day.
Harold: “This was the era of Walter Cronkite and Huntley and Brinkley.
"I admired Frank McGee and how he made all the technical
jargon of space flights understandable to the public. It was a quality I tried
to emulate in my own reporting.”
During Harold’s college years, his dad received a job
transfer. Harold and his family moved from Georgia to Kansas.
Harold earned a Journalism degree (News/Editorial) from the
University of Kansas. Though he still loved sportscasting, Harold found himself
drawn to the variety that daily news and world events offered.
For the next 25 years Harold worked as a daily newspaper
reporter and an editor for news sites in Kansas, Texas, and Nebraska.
During that time, he experienced firsthand the profound changes the field of journalism succumbed to.
A profession that once had
demanded stringent accuracy, accountability, and double-checking sources seemed
to morph into a print it now and worry about the facts later format.
Harold watched an astounding number of newspapers go out of
business. News sites that remained open often had to downsize and cut corners.
Harold found himself trying to do the work of three people – a situation that
proved to be overwhelming.
Add to that, a devastating divorce left Harold doubting he
would ever find love or be married again.
In 2008, Harold began corresponding with pen pals from
different countries. He discovered these pen pals through a Christian website.
A lovely lady named Nadya became one of Harold’s pen pals.
She, too, was recovering from a difficult divorce. Nadya’s former husband had
been physically abusive of her. She was not anxious to repeat that experience.
With that in mind, Harold and Nadya sought friendship instead of romance. To their surprise, they found both.
Harold: “I finally reached the conclusion I would never be married again. But then Nadya showed up.
"Three thoughts came to mind: The
first two were Nadya was too special to pass up, and I knew too many wonderful
women to give up on women in general.
“Probably the most powerful reason, though, was I knew I couldn’t be afraid to love again.
"There is a verse in the Bible that says,
‘Perfect (that is, complete) love casts out all fear.’ I knew that Nadya
deserved my complete love.”
Harold and Nadya’s long-distance relationship lasted for
about two years. In that time, they met once in Kyiv, Ukraine.
During that meeting, Harold and Nadya experienced some nice moments. They also experienced some rocky moments.
Fortunately, their affection
for one another won out over their fears and cultural differences.
Harold: “We started corresponding in September 2008,
met in Kyiv in 2009 and officially decided to get married right after that. We
got married on December 26, 2010.”
 |
| Harold and Nadya Campbell |
How does a relationship survive time and distance? What makes a long-distance relationship a success?
Harold: “The biggest benefit to our long-distance
relationship was we developed excellent communication skills, which helped us
immensely in our marriage.
“While in-person couples could go to restaurants, movie
theaters, or a million other places together, our “dates” consisted of sitting
in front of our computer screens.
“Don’t get me wrong; we had tremendous times of joking and
laughing together, talking about the future, and just sharing what was going on
in our daily lives.”
At first, they kept their relationship to emails.
Harold: “As we became more attracted to each other, we
were on Skype together every day.
“We would spend two or three hours catching up and sharing
what was on our hearts and minds. (Those two or three hours would seem like two
or three minutes.)
“We also read books together and discussed them, and once we
decided to get married, we did our own premarital counseling.
“In that, we went through several books together and we
practiced scenarios when we would ask each other what would you do or say in
certain situations.
“I would say our communication skills were excellent, and
the only problems we had in our marriage was a rare failure to communicate.”
Communication is a good start to a long-distance
relationship, but other components are needed, as well.
Harold: “Long-distance relationships will not last without a lot of trust and commitment to the other person.
"What helped us with
this is we had a deep love for each other fortified with a strong respect and
shared values.
“You will need this to deal with the loneliness and pain of
missing the other person. I often wished I could use a Star Trek transporter to
be with Nadya for just five minutes.
“You also miss the physical part of a relationship (and I’m
not talking about sex). I didn’t get to learn all her body language and
non-verbal cues until after I arrived in Russia.
“It took us a while to get used to each other with normal
hugging and kissing. I would recommend long-distance relationships only if you
have the love and commitment to overcome the obstacles.”
Once the decision was made to be together, Harold and Nadya
faced the practical “nuts and bolts” of moving to another country.
The plan was for Harold to move to Russia. For one thing,
moving to Russia would provide Harold with a new career opportunity. Nadya
encouraged Harold to teach English as a second language.
Harold: “I was already looking into going into ESL
teaching even before meeting Nadya, but I was scared away by the cost of
getting an M.A. in English with ESL certification.
“Nadya (who was an English teacher herself and spoke
excellent English) told me I could get a certification from a reputable school
online for a fraction of the cost, and I should have no problem finding
teaching jobs as a native speaker with a certification, along with my
journalism degree and newspaper reporting and editing experience. She was
right.”
Besides being with Nadya and establishing a new career,
Harold considered another reason to go to Russia. As a faith-based person, he
thought it might be a chance for him to “spread the light of God’s love.”
Likewise, Harold reasoned, his presence might help Russians
gain a better understanding of Americans. Perhaps he could dispel some
stereotypes.
With the decision made, Harold and Nadya turned their
attention to figuring out how to make it all happen.
Harold: “Looking back, I would say this is where Nadya and I grew together as much as in any other way.
"Practically speaking, we
became a team. Even though we were thousands of miles apart, we had a common
goal and a common purpose, and good communication and a deep love and
commitment to the other person were essential.
“Nadya had the responsibility of finding out the process of
getting a marriage license there and what documents were required. (There were
always documents to be required in Russia!)
“She then told me what documents I needed to send, such as
my birth certificate, decree of divorce from my previous marriage, and various
other items from the Kansas secretary of state’s office in Topeka.
“I also had to submit a four-page application and various
other documents to the Russian consulate which was then in Houston.
“In addition, I had to go ahead and make my flight
reservations for Russia before I knew if my visa would be approved or not. I
didn’t get my visa until just a few days before my flight.
“Another thing we learned is when we looked at the entire
mountain we had to climb, it would discourage us. So, we decided just to focus
on what we needed to accomplish each day or each week, and it made everything
go much easier.”
Finally – after mountains of paperwork, months of discussions with Nadya, and some heart-to-heart conversations with concerned family members and friends – Harold found himself in Russia.
 |
| Harold in Moscow |
Despite a lifetime of fascination with Russia, Harold felt unprepared for certain aspects of life there – for example, the Russian distrust of smiles.
Harold: “In Russian culture, it is considered rude to
smile at someone you don’t know because you are “invading” their privacy.
“Russians don’t feel the pressure to put on a happy face if
they don’t feel happy.
“There are also differences between big-city Russia and the
countryside and northern Russia and southern Russia.
“In Russia, friendships take longer to build, but they go
deeper. If you ask a Russian how he or she is doing, be prepared to find out
exactly how he or she is doing.”
While Harold enjoyed thought-provoking conversations with
his new acquaintances, he found himself nonplussed by the lack of privacy he
encountered (both in Russia and, later, in India).
Harold: “I believe this affected me much more than
Nadya just because she was much more used to it. Along with this was the fact I
was in a new country, experiencing the beginnings of culture shock.
“I felt like I could never relax, and, along with other
expatriate English teachers I talked to, I felt like I was always under
observation, especially in my first year or two of Russia.”
Nadya endeared herself to Harold when he witnessed her
efforts to make him feel more at home.
Harold: “One of the signs of love I got from Nadya was
I saw her reading articles online on how to live with introverts. I had never
experienced someone making so much effort to understand me before.
“One of the things I treasured about my relationship with
Nadya was I knew I was her top priority. When we were still on opposite sides
of the globe, I could call or email her about something, and she would respond
right away or as soon as possible.
“When we were together, she always gave me her full
attention, and she remembered what I said, even months or years later.”
Nadya’s thoughtfulness impressed Harold to the point where
he now tries to do the same for others.
Harold: “I try to respond to people as quickly as
possible online and try to be an attentive listener in person. In short, I try
to demonstrate to each person I deal with that they are valuable to me.”
 |
| Nadya and Harold |
So, what did an American introvert and a Russian extrovert find in common?
Harold: “Our personalities and interests complemented
each other. She was energized by people, although she also needed her alone
time to recharge.
“She was a people and animal lover. She loved to help
homeless people and orphans and stray animals.
“She loved all kinds of music and liked to read many types
of literature.
“We shared a number of interests, such as serving others, language, walking and exploring, and simplifying our lives.
"However, we had our different interests. For example, Nadya loved shopping, so she said she didn’t want me to go shopping with her unless she wanted to buy new clothes for me. Instead, she went with a woman friend.
“I love hockey and she didn’t care for sports, but she
bought me a ticket to a game with the local St. Petersburg professional hockey
team once or twice.
“I would say we had a variety of similar and different
interests so we could both grow as individuals and as a couple.”
Though Nadya’s heart was tender, her Russian backbone was forged in steel.
At times, Harold experienced her frustration with his
“Americanness.” Later in their marriage, Nadya apologized to Harold for her
occasional brusqueness.
Harold: “I told her there was no need to apologize. I
said I had lived in Russia long enough to know how Russians usually react in
certain situations.”
Though Harold missed his family back in the United States
(especially his grown son and daughter), he developed a special bond with
Nadya’s daughter, Rita.
Harold: “When I first met Nadya, Rita was still a
teenager. She had her own unique style that I really liked. She became
interested in the punk culture, and I think Nadya also appreciated and loved
her individuality.
“Her heart is a lot like her mother’s, full of love and
compassion but, at the same time with a deep sense of justice.”
Rita made it clear to family members that she supported her
mother’s marriage to Harold.
As the years have passed Harold has witnessed Rita grow up,
get married and become a mother herself.
Harold: “She has matured into a strong woman who often
feels overwhelmed but is never defeated.”
Despite the cultural shock, Harold began to appreciate his
life in Russia – exploring the architecture and history in cities like St.
Petersburg; getting to know his students; attending church services; engaging
in lively conversations with friends; and being with Nadya.
 |
| The Winter Palace in St. Petersburg |
Then came an opportunity to once again step out of his comfort zone. An assistant pastor for a church Nadya had once attended invited her to teach English at an orphanage in India.
Harold and Nadya both felt a strong sense of service to
others, and a desire to help in any way they could. They agreed to go to India.
If Russia had been a culture shock, India was doubly so.
Harold and Nadya faced both uncomfortably hot and cold temperatures, lack of
electricity, lack of privacy, and immense poverty everywhere they looked.
But there were positive experiences, as well.
 |
| Hindu Temple in New Delhi, India |
Harold: “Being with the kids was tremendously fulfilling. I think they taught us more than we taught them. I would love to see them again."
 |
| Nadya's and Harold's Students in India |
“In addition, just to experience Indian culture was a privilege. Nadya and I said India must be the most culturally diverse place in the world. I feel honored that I got a taste of it.”
 |
| Market in Chennai, India |
Harold and Nadya loved the children they taught – but they also witnessed situations that disheartened them.
Harold: “She (Nadya) had always admired the leaders of
the orphanage ministry where we were volunteers, but when we started working
closely with them, she realized they didn’t match the idealistic view she had
of them before, especially in terms of prejudice and materialism.”
Harold and Nadya noticed some of the ministry leaders made
decisions that benefited themselves (and their wallets) but were of little use
to the children.
Harold: “Nadya fell into a depression. Some days, she refused to eat and had me lead the children’s English class.”
Nadya and Harold reported the wrongdoing they witnessed but
change and accountability were slow to transpire.
After five months of struggling against a rigged system, Harold and Nadya realized there was nothing more they could do to help.
While
it saddened them to leave the children, Harold and Nadya made the tough
decision to return to Russia.
 |
| St. Petersburg on Black Friday |
Their return to Russia proved to be no less worrisome than their struggles in India had been. Changes were occurring in Russia. Not for the better.
Harold: “As the events in Crimea and eastern Ukraine
unfolded in 2014 and 2015, Kremlin propaganda was unleashed, and Putin
tightened his grip on power. Nadya’s sense of justice unleashed righteous
outrage.
“Along with that, she had to face new facts, as her
history-geek husband told her about the Hungarian uprising in 1956 and the
Soviet invasion of Czechoslovakia in 1968.
“She said she had never heard of these until I told her
because they didn’t teach about them in school.
“As a result of this and other things she read, she became
disillusioned with her own country.”
Unsettled by what they were witnessing, and concerned for their future together, Harold and Nadya considered their options.
They began
the process to acquire an immigration visa for Nadya. This visa would allow
Nadya to enter the United States as Harold’s spouse.
At the same time, Harold and Nadya began to speak out online against Putin.
Harold did so anonymously on English-speaking websites.
Nadya
was a bit more outspoken online. She also attended opposition meetings.
Harold: “I only half-jokingly told her, “If you get
sent to the gulag, you won’t get your American visa.”
Then, as if life hadn’t been unsettling enough, Nadya encountered a health issue.
She took measures to resolve the problem, but an unexpected complication occurred.
In an instant, the unthinkable happened.
Nadya was gone.
Without her, Harold’s world collapsed. Dazed with grief, he
returned to the United States alone.
How does one cope with such unfathomable loss? A lifetime of
dreams cut short. A grief-filled future ahead.
Harold: “Thoughts for someone else going through the grieving process. . .
"One, the process isn’t linear. You may think you’re making
“progress,” but then the next day something may trigger an emotional response
and you feel like you’ve moved backwards. No, the grief process isn’t a
straight line.
“In addition, I had to learn to be patient with myself. I
wasn’t going to get through this overnight.
“And, finally, find a good support group of people who are
or have gone through grief and understand that you’re not crazy. Finding out I
wasn’t the only one in the boat helped me a lot.”
How has the loss of Nadya affected Harold’s faith?
Harold: “It might sound paradoxical to say this, but in many ways, it was strengthened by it.
"By strengthened, in this case, I mean
strengthened the lines of communication between me and God.
“Many times, I have thought, “Why did this have to happen?” and “Why at that time?” Like in any strong relationship, there is discussion, and I believe God doesn’t mind good, honest questions.
“At the same time, my faith has been stretched and
strengthened by the fact that I don’t need to know all the answers to know from
both past and present experience that even though bad things happen in the
world, God still loves us with an everlasting love.
“In addition, even though I miss Nadya more than I can say
and even now I still have crying jags over her, I realize God had a purpose for
her life and she touched many, many people in her time on Earth.
“Had she lived, we would be in the U.S. and her beloved Rita and grandchildren would still be in Russia.
"Under the current conditions it
would be nearly impossible for Nadya to see them, and that would break her
heart.
“From God’s point of view, perhaps it was an act of mercy to
spare Nadya that heartbreak by bringing her home. That’s just a thought that
has crossed my mind, but who knows?
“Do I consider Nadya to be the love of my life? The one-word
answer is “definitely.” Nadya and I often talked about what were the odds that
two people from opposite sides of the world with similarities and differences
which complemented each other would be brought together?
“We crammed a lot into five and a half years of marriage and
almost eight years of knowing each other!"
 |
| Nadya Campbell said: "This is the way happiness looks." |
Harold: “Even now, I still consider myself married to her, at least in my heart and mind, and I still wear my wedding band on my finger.
“Some people might say I need to “let her go,” but I want
the rest of my time on this planet to honor her legacy.”
Harold realized one way he could honor Nadya’s legacy would
be to share their story with others.
Harold: “Friends back in the U.S. started encouraging
me to write a book about my experiences even while I was still in Russia.”
“However, at that time I thought that even though what I was
doing would be interesting to people who knew me, I didn’t know if it would
capture the attention of the public.”
Harold considered writing a fictionalized account, maybe
even a fictional espionage story.
Harold: “That went well for a while, but the more I
wrote, the more I found the twists and turns of the plot were covering over
what I considered to be the main points of the book.
“In addition, this was my first foray into fiction writing,
and my journalism background made it hard to write from a point of view. I was
used to writing from a more objective viewpoint.”
After Nadya died, Harold put aside the story.
Eventually, he decided to abandon the fictional story and to write a
memoir instead. It took a while before he could face the feelings writing about
Nadya stirred up.
Harold: “My grief overcame me, and I could write only a
few sentences before I became a blubbering idiot.”
During the Covid lockdown Harold decided to continue writing
the memoir.
Harold: “I decided I would use that time to finally write something as a tribute to Nadya and to answer questions people would ask while I was in Russia and India.
"I didn’t intend it to be a literary work or
even go on sale, I just wanted something on paper.”
After he finished writing the memoir, Harold sent it to 100
Facebook friends and asked for their opinions.
Harold: “The response was overwhelmingly positive. As this
was my first venture into the book-publishing world, I didn’t know where to go.
“I searched online and went to the library and the area Barnes and Noble to read up on book publishing.
"I ruled out traditional
publishing because I would need to find an agent, who would then have to find a
publisher. It’s a process that could take a long time, and at my age, I wanted
the story out much sooner.
“I was still a little gun shy about self-publishing, but I
found a hybrid publisher in Rome, Georgia, who would do the editing and
publishing while I kept the rights to the book.”
The publisher was intrigued with Harold’s story.
Harold: “She (the publisher) gave many insightful
suggestions on focusing and expanding on some items.”
Harold implemented the suggested changes. Next thing he knew, Harold’s resumé included being a published book author.
He had fulfilled
his heartfelt desire to honor Nadya’s legacy.
After years of being abroad, what was it like to return to
the United States? Did Harold experience any reverse culture shock?
Harold: “On the positive side, I felt freer and less
restrained than in my five years in Russia and even my five months in India.
“Aside from the politics and disunity I mention in the book,
on the other side of the coin, it sounds strange, but I almost missed some of
the adventure and inconvenience of life in Russia and India.”
For Harold, one of the most disconcerting aspects of returning to the United States was the baffling admiration some friends and former classmates expressed for Putin.
I asked Harold how that felt.
Harold: “How did it feel? The one-word answer is
“frustrating.”
Whenever Harold objected to idealized views of Putin, he was
often met with derision.
Harold: “A former classmate said I didn’t know as much
as I thought I did but had no response when I asked such questions as had he
seen Russian trains with tanks, armored personnel carriers, and rocket
launchers on them, had he seen a Syrian army officer talking to two Russian
officers outside a St. Petersburg subway station, and if he could identify a
number of key people and events connects with the Ukraine situation?
“Others just disregarded facts I learned from Nadya and
friends and from my own research because it didn’t fit what they heard on cable
news or social media.”
What are Harold’s thoughts about Russia’s invasion of
Ukraine?
Harold: “Would I be in danger if I stayed in Russia? If everything had gone according to plan, Nadya and I would have left Russia probably late in 2016 or early 2017.
"She would have been a permanent resident
with a green card and likely a taxpaying American worker.
“We would have been out of Russia for about five years before the invasion of Ukraine.
"Even if we had stayed, my life would have been
almost impossible after the invasion.
“Not because of danger, but visas dried up, travel outside
Russia became almost impossible, and the crash of the ruble made English
classes from a trained, certified native-speaker teacher like me unaffordable.
“It has been sad to see the effect of the invasion on both Ukrainians and people I know back in Russia.
"An example is the city of Kharkiv,
Ukraine, a large city near the Russian border. I stayed there two weeks once, waiting for a new visa to re-enter Russia.
“Now it’s heartbreaking to see buildings I walked past in
ruins and even a children’s park bombed.
“On the other hand, thousands of Russian lives have been
lost for what?
“Economic sanctions have affected people I know the most.
Rita says prices are high and some products can’t be found.
“Travel to and from Russia is very difficult now. The
government has clamped down on many previous rights Russians held.”
What is Harold's take on Tucker Carlson's interview with Vladimir Putin?
Harold: "As a former journalist, I was deeply disappointed in Tucker Carlson's "interview" of Putin.
"First of all, it wasn't much of an interview. Instead, it was basically a 2-hour monologue by Putin with a few softball questions from Carlson thrown in.
"Second, Carlson didn't do his homework. There were more than a few times when he could have challenged Putin on errors he made, or when he stated some facts but omitted others.
"Putin also did one thing I really hated back in my reporting days: drone on and on about things that are irrelevant to the discussion but are brought up to either try to impress the interviewer or at least distract him."
"Putin's 30-minute talk at the first was a perfect example. Carlson did make a few attempts to get the conversation back on track, but he pretty much lost control of the interview right away.
"Third, it's not hard to figure out that Putin had a list of questions before the interview. His answers were too polished to be off the cuff.
"Fourth, nothing Putin said was new. I can't believe how many online comments I've read where people say they have never heard this before.
"All of this has been in the Kremlin propaganda arsenal since at least 2014. If someone hasn't heard it before, they haven't been paying attention."
When asked about the death of Russian opposition leader Alexei Navalny, Harold provided a couple of quotes:
"Whatever your thoughts about Alexey (Alexei) Navalny as the politician, he was just brutally murdered by the Kremlin.
"That's a fact and that is something one should know about the true nature of Russia's current regime."
And:
Russia "has turned into a violent state that kills people who dream of a better future, like (Boris) Nemtsov (assassinated Putin critic) or now Navalny - imprisoned and tortured to death for standing up to Putin."
Through all the personal changes Harold has experienced (as well as the upheaval of world events), he has been trying to rebuild his life.
Besides writing Crazy People Like Us, Harold has focused on being a tutor
and a substitute teacher.
Whenever his grief and the uncertainties of the world
overwhelm him, Harold remembers what Nadya would say to him during times of
trouble:
crazy people like us.”
Crazy People Like Us: Love & Loss on the Other Side of the
World is an insightful and compelling story of love, loss, faith, and finding
the courage to face the unknown.
 |
| Nadya and Harold (Photographs provided by Harold Campbell. Cover Photograph: St. Petersburg Bridge) |
~ ~ ~
Comments
Post a Comment